sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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