One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
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I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
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He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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