You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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