Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize