Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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