Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
