I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Randomize
