I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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