with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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