whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
