There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
