There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
