I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
