it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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