One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
