The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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