I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
