Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
