the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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