Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom