Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also, beer. Big fan.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.