you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
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I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
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Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents