Hey man sorry I got all grabby
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
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So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
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also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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