I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
