the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
