Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
