Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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