You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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