Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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