Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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