In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
