6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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