I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
