Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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