You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We need to rekindle our bromance
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
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My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
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Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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