1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize