if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Im part way to drunk.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
