yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
