Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
