awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
