Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
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They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
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ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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