I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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