Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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