just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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