i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
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we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I would ride that face into the sunset
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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