dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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