How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
