what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
