im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
pop tarts are not kleenex
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
