He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
