Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
