Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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