so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Vodka?
Forever.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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