I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
