Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
