I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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