Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
