and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
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