I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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