"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All the doctor said was why
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
