You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
