I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
