If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
